It's been over 3 months since I took a little holiday from the blog and for at least half of that time I've been meaning to write something but obviously I haven't. Is anyone still out there?
The major concern for any possible blog post during this period has been my lack of affection for the medium as a form of entertainment. Looking back to October you'll see how my weekly viewing habits slowly turned in to a struggle. And nothing has changed.
To be honest with you it has gotten to the stage where I can hardly bring myself to insert the DVD in to the player let alone keep watching until the credits roll. You could probably count the number of films I've watched in the past three months on two hands. And that state of affairs does not make for interesting blogging. Both in writing and reading.
I've been analysing the situation, believe me, I like to analyse things so it came natural to me. The major question I've been asking myself is this, 'why do I love cinema?' or perhaps more 'what is it about film that made me want to watch it in the first place?' the answer? I still don't have it.
I feel like saying something along the lines of "the way cinema manages to offer insights in to the human condition, the medium transcends from entertainment and in to something altogether more pure," which is the kind of thing I would say. But then some of us might look at a Michael Bay movie and wonder what the hell I was talking about.
Beauty. Beauty is what it seems to come down to. Whether it be emotional or psychological or visual. Sometimes that guy in American Beauty is so right about cinema, there's so much beauty that I just can't take it but mostly I feel like my standards have become too high and I just can't seem to find any beauty in film.
I can't bring myself to put the disc in the player because I know there's a very good chance that I'm going to watch something mediocre or overrated. And whilst Bonjour Tristesse seems to have a never ending supply of amazing artistic films to watch there's only so much room in my life for 3 to 4 hour examples of cinemas true majesty. Let alone writing about it afterwards.
Perhaps the disappointment I felt in seeing Drive the first (and still only) time was that point where my heart just wasn't in it anymore. The point of realisation, that thinking and reading and writing about cinema constantly was driving me to over think every movie I ever watch.
It's not your fault fellow bloggers, your content was always fascinating to me, your quality spurred me on to read even more of your great articles which in turn drove me to day time movie watching of more and more films and then the writing about them. It's my fault, obviously.
Among you I had my favourites. It's only natural. My friend Scott who I, quite horribly, left in the lurch over at Front Room Cinema with my aborted attempt to write for two blogs simultaneously seems to be going from strength to strength. His enthusiasm should be enough for 20 bloggers, I wish it would rub off on me a little. Alex at Film Forager was my initial inspiration to pick up my game and take this blogging business seriously, she always has great content that I looked forward to reading. Aside from those two and the previously mentioned super blogger at Bonjour Tristesse I should mention my fellow Antipodean, Tyler at Southern Vision, as a source of great film blogging joy.
I've not visited a film blog for over three months but I've missed those guys the most.
So what have I been doing? Aside from the usual suspects of work and (attempted) sleep I've been reading novels. Lots of them. Some good, some bad. I even started writing one myself instead of the same script I've supposedly been writing for 4 years now. So I guess you could say it's a positive change.
Which brings me to the main point of writing this post. An indefinite hiatus I suppose you'd call it if I was a band. I am admitting to myself that I will not be back writing here any time soon unless I find that magic spark once more, that aspect of film which makes me fall back in love with what I've been doing on this blog, what we've all been doing with our blogs.
If anyone is reading I'd like to thank you for being a comrade in arms, for your support and for returning when your reader said there was a rare post here at blahblahblahgay. And I'd like to ask you all to think about the titular question. What is it that you love? Share a link to a post in the blahs or just leave a long incoherent ramble in the blahs. Maybe it will be you that gets me back on the horse. Until we meet again, cheerio cobber.